Way to go! Ive just made the most efective way of sabotaging myself.

Way to go, Ili.

You just made it into sabotaging yourself. Everything is prepared for you. And you CHOOSE not to do it.

The water in the bath tub. Its already done since yesterday! And still you hesitate to jump. Untill now, you still havent. How about you plan to take care of yourself?

The website of Couchsurfing. Every single people all over the world are asking you for a change in yourself, and you have the urge to reject them!! Way to go , Ili. How many people there should be to change you? A billion deaths? And you still living in the same space where you once whined and wondering will your fate will ever changed? GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE. Go travelling! See the world, then you WILL stop whining about yourself. Why? Because in this world its not about YOUR PROBLEMS, YOUR CONFLICT, and YOUR DESIRE. Its OURS. Get connected and see the bigger picture.

About the photography shoot. He came on your mailbox and offer a pontential opportunity and you still regard that as something unnatainable? Why? Because you BELIEVE SO! Get that shit out of your mind and you have know something: YOU BECOME WHAT YOU BELIEVE. And thats so true. Its just you belive in Negativity, and thats what you slowly developing into.

About the Iran Election. He ask your opinion. Should you or shouldnt you take care about what is happening in this world. Youve been so torn about it , and finally, you learned that when you receive a bad news (which the world always have to offer more than a good news) , theres no need to be SAD. But, theres a need to REACH OUT all other people, get their opinion and VOICE OUT! Please voice out. Its the simplest way to help.

Way to go Ili.You have the opportunity to travel all around the world, the prospect to make money with your camera, and the urge to shape how you think about the world and reaching out. BUT YOU CHOOSE NOT TO! Im so disappointed in you. Disappointed.

A nurturer.

Im start to smile, again. I want to write a lot. But maybe tonight. Time is really short.

Imagine im your tv, My transmission is aired for you

Imagine im your tv

My transmission aired for you,

My drama is ur special coverage,

Transonic Wave, Satellite Love.


Imagine Im your radio,

My intermission orbits for you,

E-CD records is your chosen entertainment,

Interplanet rays, To Mars with romance, Woo'O'oo


Per-My-Suri (My Queen) of the home,

My Queen of the radar,

My Queen of the heaven, Woo'O'oo,

The special one.


Imagine Im your VJ,

My Transvision aired for you,

My characters is your inspired personality,

Transphonic rays, Love satellite.


Imagine Im your DJ,

My Intervision orbits for you,

My metaphore os your wisdom,

Intersonic rays, To Mars with love, Woo'O'oo

Imagine aku tv mu, transmission ku terbit untuk mu.

Imagine aku tv mu, transmission ku terbit untuk mu/ Drama ku product khas siaran mu, transonic gelora, satellite cinta.

Imagine aku radio mu, intermission ku orbit untuk mu/ E-rama ku record khas hiburan mu/ Interplanet kejora/ Ke marikh asmara/ WooOoOo

Permaisuri rumah ku

Permaisuri radar ku

Permaisuri syurga ku

Yang teristimewa!

Imagine aku VJ mu/ transvision ku terbit untuk mu/ Character ku ilham khas buat mu/ Transphonic gelora/ Satellite cinta.

Imagine aku DJ mu/ Intervision ku orbit untuk mu/ Metaphore ku iltizam khas buat mu/ Intersonic kejora / Ke marikh asmara/ WooOoOo

Aaron, i think u know some of the meanings of the words, and i left the rest for u to find out :)

Love,

Cheeky Baby Ilina.

I.am.here

Please forgive everything that I've ever done.

Come back.

I've just realized that I already have what I need. That is Allah.

What this need is for?
To go on a journey.

Now,
I realize I can pursue what I want with the help of my need
with the right way.

God already gave us what we need , and we are going through the journey to pursue what we want. It can be serenity, happiness, or anything that makes you complete.

NEED makes us living.
WANTS makes us complete.

What do I want. I want to be happy. And its a constant search . But from what i observe, how unreal it is, it is possible to become eternal. Undisruptable.

I know im in a phase of finding myself. Again.
I did found myself years ago. But environment changes me. And to find myself back, I need to come back.

Come back home.

Aromatheraphy.

3 years ago i wuld never imagine myself ...

hitting the shelves of an AROMATHERAPHY shop scrambling for numerous of candle oils to burn in my room.

I used to think i dont need extra perfumes as if my life isnt spiceful enough.

But..

I take back my word hehe...

The more spiceful your life get the more spiceful should your room be filled with.

Thats obviously a worst analogy i ever made but I dont seem to care.

I'm not my self of 3 years ago who is so ambitious and doesnt even care how her room smells like as long as she gets 4.00 CGPA in her semester exam.

Thats so selfish to myself.

I have spend more than 15 years to be too selfish to hear what myself have to listen, and now im listening.

Guess what ,
she says: "Green Tea candle oil last time he gave you smells sooooo sweet. Its finishing and me couldnt afford to forget that smell."
*Hugs lovingly my other self , persuading me to buy one*

my other self: "Ahaha, okay, just because your so cuddly today..."

The shop is called Wooden Cabin,

Now I am enlighten to understand why aromatheraputic oil exist in this world and getting popular here.

Green Tea smell so oriental as if youre in a Japanese waterfall.

Rosemary feels so English it reminds me of Aunt Rose who tends to filled her house with English Rose perfume exclusively bought from UK herself ... well...no comment.

And Cinnamon just like morning toast... every morning , to start anew.

I know Im crazy enough to go to Greentown Mall to buy the oil again, but dragging Fiza along...? Hehehe Fiza I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you so much. I'll treat you for Paintball then OK? As long as you pay your entrance yourself . Haahahahaha.

Avoiding Toxic

Im taking the toxic people out of my life!!!!
I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE YOU!

Im not gonna turn out to be like one of them.

And i will learn how to be happy, eventough it might not come easily for me. Because I will get it and NO ONE

NO ONE

can ever stop me.

Im taking my time.

Theres a new cafe in town , right beside my the corner before my condominium. Its "Old Town" and with its colonial design, Malaysians love it. It serves Malaysians classic Nyonya cuisine. Guess whats the slogan, "Take Your Time".

One of our favourite indie band, South Jordan, just come out with their awesome single, "Take Your Time". And contagiously infected me to sing "take your time baby" all day long.

Pilots are advised to reserve some couple of moments while flying to "take their own time" in the cockpit , look at the weather, feel the aircraft. To increase your situational awareness. Take your time to look at the weather. Notice the direction of clouds at the corner of your eyes. Feel the strength of the wind with your rudder. Listen how the engine sounds when you shift the power control. Look at the colour of the sky. The last part is my favourite. Because the sky isnt always azure blue. Azure blue means clear weather.

Clear.
Pure.
Safe.
Beautiful.

No wonder why people always wonder why the sky is blue just the way it is.

Forgotten Familiarity

Did you ever remember when theres glimpses of moment where things are as perfect as they are. Where the world is what you ever imagine it should be. And you have no regrets on why a particular things happened in the past. The world, nevertheless violence exists and deceitful, offers the purest sanctuary where you can heal and pull yourselves together again.

When I was a kid, its easy to remember that the world is a harmless playground that we can try new things and mistakes are to be made as much as you can, and even you as a naive child knows that, these mistakes are regarded essential, the more you do it, the more you learn. And throughout these process it is understood that Perfection is imaginary, and Imperfection is relative.

For example, first bycicle ride lesson. Spilling milk on the table. Not leaving your teddy bear somewhere. Picking the best dress for Grandma's visit. Kissing Mom the right way. Loving Dad the right way. Talking to Ngah without getting him mad. Endless.

I hate complicated , so I choose to be back to basic. Rather than being a typical "kiasu" adult, make mistakes as much as you can and learn from them. Stop complaining about the world , start changing yourself.

Welcome Home Islander Girl :)

White sandy beaches along with crawling crabs makes my Tuesday "ponteng" day far more worth it. HAH. And like any other girl out there, we're so burnt. The mantra is "Sunblock" so your whole affair isnt gonna be a sizzling one ;)

Its true that snorkelling is highly contagious to people who never experienced it before. All of us three just jumped into the water with full energy without thinking twice. Believe me, thats for the best (to avoid second thought of not going to jump in, for the sake of not getting burnt, scared, sick, whatever fiasco...etc) .Its not about "I hate the sea" attitude. But for the sake, "My body deserve to feel this!". And the best thing is, we can see each other's true colour. And what can I say; IM TECHNICOLOUR!

I remember how people just do whatever they can do without thinking its too old or too young for them . And I wonder will my thought ever changed when Im getting older. Will I ever be this lively again next 10 summer? Maturity sure makes us more thoughtful and sometimes it never bring us anywhere. But it is universally acknowledge that we FOUND ourselves along with Maturity. So its is naturally acquired through phases. Like experience.

And I wont run away from the stage anymore. Im going to enjoy the show. This time with all the person I love. Popcorns , tissues, and blanket. Its more exciting watching in group ;)

Like Jason Mraz said
"was it you who spoke the word,
that things will never happen to me,
but things that are gonna happen naturally"

For Us

Hold me tight, shield me from the monsoon of fear.
My lungs refuse to move on again.
Happen on the very nights that my eyes could shut.
As if they want to take me away,
on moments which I least realize.

I want to live, i cried.
I dont want to go there .
Dont take me there.

Because Ive been to hell and im still alive.
And thats not the place i want to go back again.
Dont fool me.
I might be naive.
But im flowing through you.

And letting you go softly
as if you were never going to go
And i wasnt leaving
But we are
And still we both know
This is a phase
Where were both changing from Yes to No
And the border is thick enough, long enough
For us to understand.
Whats the wordless act weve been doing.
Because its a matter of time.

But i know youre wispering
Flow it slowly
Its less hurting that way
make it beautiful, for both of us.
For us.

Masihkah kau ingat

Masihkah kau ingat pada waktu itu? Sekuntum bunga mekar kau selit ke rambut ku. Masihkah kau ingat ia menjadi mimpi dan menjadi rindu.

Masihkah kau ingat kita berlari-lari di kaki langit mencari pelangi? Lalu hujan turun kita basah bersama.

Masihkah kau ingat sekuntum bunga itu di tapak tangan ini? Ia menjadi layu, lalu ku genggam ia menjadi debu.

Masihkah kau ingat?

Aku disini.

Boast of Quietness

Writings of light assault the darkness, more prodigious than meteors.

The tall unknowable city takes over the countryside.

Sure of my life and death, I observe the ambitious and would like to understand them.

Their day is greedy as lariat in the air.

Their night is a rest from the rage within steel, quick to attack.

They speak of humanity.

My humanity is in feeling we are all voices in the same poverty.

They speak of homeland.

My homeland is the rythm of a guitar, a few portraits, an old sword, the willow grove's visible prayer as evening falls.

Time is living me.

More silently than my shadow, I pass through the loftily covetous multitude.

They are indispensable, singular, worthy of tomorrow.

My name is someone and anyone.

I walk slowly, like one who comes from so far away he doesn't expect to arrive.

-Jorge Luis Borges-

Please come back

I wish you were still here.
I never wish that u will be gone.
And I want to let you know.
Even if u never heard it from my own mouth.
But thats the only thing that i want to let you know.
Since the day you picked me up.

Please, come back.
I'm sorry i dont feel like strong enough to stop me from crying.

Please come back.
If i ever sleep and wake up again will you be here again?
You were my strength and happiness and I never expect you to go away so soon.
If I know you will be gone that day, i would stay with you and held you close.
And be the last person you see before your last breath.
And I wouldnt regret that as much as i do now.

Please come back, please.
Call me Glade again.
Lie on the grass with me again.
Run away with me again.
Give me faith to go on again.
Show me sunshine again.
Join my dreams again.
Share secrets with me again.
Being alone seems so HARD.

Its hard to lie to myself that im still strong but the fact im falling inside.
Its hard to smile at people when I know theyre mean to me.
Its hard to catch up with things that seems so fast to me.
Its hard that I cant tell exactly how I feel.
Its hard that I cant share my dreams anymore.
Its hard to let out my dreams just to this useless website.
Its hard to care for someone who doesnt care as much as I do.
Its hard when Im slowly deteriorating.

Eventough I know u were watching me from above. Please forgive me, for being so selfish, and refuse to meet you untill the last moment of ur breath.
If only i know, i wouldnt do it, ever.

Ive been top of the world. Ive lashed out all those debaters. Ive won u Best Director. Ive managed to beat down 4000 people in Khazanah. And I WANT U TO KNOW its because of you catch me.

Look at me right now. Im weak. Im so clueless right now, im lost all confidence, ive lost hope , ive lost myself.
Im dysfuntional.
Please come back.

I dont know where to go here. All seems so mean to me. I wish you would be here. I just dont know how to stop crying.

Escape!

"Hey Glade, wake up! You have to see this. Its for you. Tadaa..Happy Birthday."

What?Aww Thank you. A blank book. Without underlines. White and nothing. But its beautiful cover though.

"Because it will be you who determined it. Its an Escape book. Write everything you ever wanted in life in it and promise me something."

Hmm?

"That you will try to fullfill it throughout you life."

Somehow its quite witty that it is called Escape. Why?

"Because I want you to call it that way. To escape."

From who?

"Yourself. Your always-limiting self ." He chuckles.

*blushes*

***

I found the book beneath my old collection box. It smells of old book just like a treasure that you stumbled from the library. Damp, rusty smell though. And I like it. Fumbling throught the pages, I wonder will i ever get my confidence back like I used to like that time?

Of course I will, i wouldnt dissapointing him. Or better, myself.

My first entry :

I want to be the happiest girl on earth.

"Hey Glade. Come Here"

I remember that name. He used to call me that. It was that night.
Its breezy. Its bright. The night is still young.
Behind the college hall, everyone's everywhere. Yet there's no other people there.
Just us. Lying on the grass.

"Look at the stars"

Tell me.

"What?"

What you have been thinking.

"I cant show you any Orion, or The Seven Sisters..."

Haha, no, I dont expect you to tell me that, I wouldnt believe you even if you show me one.
So tell me, what are you thinking?

"..."

Simple question.

"You make it difficult for me"

Start with what we had gone through this afternoon. And the KYS. When you are across the room, the debate. I know something has bothered you.

"Okay, just a thought that we could immerse ourselves with the environment we are in.."
"As swiftly as a watercolour in a glass"

Contrary to me , that i would rather shut my eyes to sleep, and waking up after a long , long time. I guess its a form of escapism.

"No, you dont have to."
"La Tahzan. I promise I'll meet you there"

And he left, leaving me staring far to the stars for a long long time.

Arianna II

Then somebody lifted me up.

And saved me.

And taught me something .

"You forgot one thing"

What is it?

"Love."

Arianna I

What do I really want in life? I always asks myself again and again and it wouldnt stop now. At least not for the time being. Not that i havent got the answer yet, but its the reason for me to keep walking , and walking.

I used to be extremely ambitious and I could feel the sensational effect shot endlessly, vertically through up the sky. You really believe nothing can stop you from the inside, thus providing a stronger feeling of not to give up on any obstacle you face outside. For you, if you really want to make it happen, any obstacle outside, no matter whose fault it derived from, is equipped with the strength from the inside. Your ambition, hopes, and wants. With these elements, everything else is taken care of, surprisingly, by you. It is true experience is a true word itself. As if it is crafted by nature, you preoccupied yourself to adapt any worst-case scenario that might happen. As the saying goes, ambitious man is unstoppable.

But when will the ambitious finally draw a white flag? How worse is the worst-case scenario?

When you fall down from the sky.
Back to earth.
Free-fall.
Hard.

And then you realize you start from blank. Zero . Zilch.

Strings and Blows

Ive made a new video :) Very roughly cut, but thats the point. I always thought the memories I had is still vivid, but when I really wandering deeper into it, it feels like some holes and patches had been made. But those little things...laughter, how the fingernails shines, how they twist their smile differently, and how the dews ran like daffodil seeds on the windows. I still havent lost them yet, thats for sure.

What makes Gaza tick?

What makes Gaza so tick?
Its the ever expanding strip of course.

And the "strategic" moves by the Zionist that keeps pushing forward as a reason for self-defence? Genius how we make Vito power holders in UN keeps supporting us

And death toll Israeli troops to Palestinian civilians is 1:100?
Ohoo thats because the civillians are deliberately placed in the battlefield by the Palestinian Jihadist as a shield...

Umm..whats the actual area for the battlefield?
Uhum the Strip as i told u. Always expanding, and big enough to bring along the tanks.

U mean the whole Holy Land is a massacre ground for killing innocent children and women?
They arent innocent, that land is ours. And they arent regarded as human anyway, in our belief its not wrong to kill these creatures.

Isnt is unethical?
Unethical? We survived from the Holocaust.HOLOCAUST is unethical. We suffered so much physical and mental damage so dont u ever discompromise with us of what ethical means.

Thank you for ur interview, this answers means a lot to the world.

Let them shriek!

Wake up to diminish all that excessive ,apalled imagination! And there goes kitty behaves for a reason. She can face this moment. Only this moment. But not tomorrow, not the day after tomorrow, and days to come. Well, its psychological, she thought. And Prozac will... (shhh.. prozac is certainly off the topic) and she wants to move on without it.

She wonders how Pak Lah actually managed to overcome all those irrefutable vindication in a single smile. And she keeps on wondering until her sense gets tired to hear all his sanguine rambles. Sanguine, she didnt think its perfectly suit her mind right now, but at times she does convinced by the fact that her brain is slowly deteriorating. If somebody told her that its shrinking, she might believe it.

Whatever happened in Australia, they say its a crime scene now, oh how deliberately someone would kill 100+ people with the help of Global Warming. Thats a tragic. No that should be a comedy. As if Mr. Global Warming is paid monthly for a stand up comedy. Stage: Earth of course. Well the audience wouldnt care much would they? as long as the laugh is still valid enough to fill their interest void. They wouldnt realize much at the consequence untill their own clothes are burnt off . When theyre start shrieking, theyre so in pain they forgot to complain.

Im still breathing. Hmm thats awesome.

The best wantan mee in Ipoh

It was 11pm . Young night. We're driving back to Hillcity from Johnny's. Ayen and Sarah, two best friend. And me; the driver.

What do we talk about? All seem so new yet its hard to recollect. Maybe we're so absorbed.I love how it goes , that's what i remembered. In Ipoh's glittering night. Winter Melon tea from 7eleven. Sarah's chocolate, Ayen's cigarette. Singing the old songs, is it Wings or May? Might be a different band. The night is cool, but not cool enough for chilling out in Denaina's for a hot Teh Tarik. Everybody's seem stuffed already. A lot.

Somebody says about Jay's dating with her girlfriend in South China Sea, with licence from Klang Beach Club. And they say he wants to meet the Agong tomorrow. And Jay's going to rob another bank soon. The Ramblers. Nobody cares who says right anyway. But the laughters and giggles are still there.

"Where do you want to hang out tomorrow?" Ayen asks. I'm not quite sure , but Ngah wants to eat wantan mee. He's absolutely sure about what he wants ; in food. "Then go to Hollywood" thats what ive heard from him. Planet Hollywood you mean? "Haha, no. Holiwud Restaurant" he spells it out. Ahhh ok, seriously ive never heard it, dont mentioned it, Ipoh isnt really nice to me in terms of secret treasure cove. "You have all night?" Sure, its still young. "Then lets go". And we found it, its looks like a typical apek eateries. Closed already, no wonder . Its 12.30am. You sure its halal? Yah, all Malays also eat there. If not, JAKIM will inform us already. Okay, looks cool enough. Wantan mee and Chou Cheong Fun. Authentic one.

Wait... how about Nasi Wongge? Yeah ive promised Ngah to bring him there ... That too .

lol.

Ternyata Indah - Estrella

Ku lihat dia
Pandangan pertama
Ternyata indah
Senyuman liriknya

Ku ingin dia
Saat pertama
Berjumpa dengannya
Membuat aku gelisah

Waktu ku berlalu
Hari demi hari
Hatiku dambakannya
Untuk bercinta lagi

Ku ingin dia
Saat pertama
Berjumpa dengannya
Membuat aku gelisah

Waktu ku berlalu
Hari demi hari
Hatiku dambakannya
Untuk bercinta lagi

Hatiku dambakannya
Untuk bercinta lagi

I wake up quite late today and I found myself listening to this song. Sitting on the verandah, with a mild tea and waiting everyone else to get up (its a free Thursday, all aircraft already exceed 100 hours and have been sent away to maintained) , watching the view of Gunung Rapat. One of the best view from my apartment ;)

Allah, i love You,

and i wont stop loving.

never stop

never stop

never stop

ilina

bABY DONT GIVE UP. IVE GOT U. U GOT ME. WE ARE OURS,REMEMBER?

face to face

I BELEIVE I LEARNT SOMETHING TODAY.JUST KEEP ON LOVING IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY.AND KEEP GIVING AND NEVER ASK FOR RETURN.

My Goal for Today.

By evening of 5 p.m. today, I already passed my first solo circulating the circuit with one landing. Amin.

Stay

Glade

the only person that can stop you is yourself, exactly.

dont let your cynical self get you.

stay alive.

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there."

-Jalal ad-Din Rumi (1207-1273)

Saturday, 3rd trial.

Glade,

Lets make all the things had happened flows out of a deep, long sleep. When you wake up, you only remember what you need to remember.

You know what you need.

Here

(10) Or do ye think that ye shall enter the Garden (of bliss) without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? they encountered suffering and adversity, and were so shaken in spirit that even the Messenger and those of faith who were with him cried: "When (will come) the help of Allah." Ah! Verily, the help of Allah is (always) near! ( سورة البقرة , Al-Baqara, Chapter #2, Verse #214)

Interview with Mr Tiger

1. First grade teacher's name:
Salmah

2. Last word(s) you said:
Aha, test …

3. Last song you sang:
Milk and toast and honey by Roxette. I love sweet morning songs. Makes you feel happier despite the ever increasing workload at the bedside. (Its hard to left these in the college , I know duh..)

4. Last person you hugged:
Myself (some nervous breakdown and theres no one around to hug me..)

5. Last thing you laughed at:
My old diary entries (muahaha pathetic..) then the message from Amirul, he’s really a cracker! Finally the Ghosttown of Refrigerator District; need to buy some groceries .

6. At my brothers wedding:
I sang all along (the karaoke is mine!)

7. What's in your CD player:
Jason Mraz , the Blisscatcher

8. What's under your bed:
Books that fell off from the bed (hmm let see… The Black Book- Orhan Pamuk, Wild Mind – Natalie Goldberg)

9. What time did you wake up today:
1.32pm *blushes* cmon its my free day. But usually if I’m scheduled for flight, I wake up at 4.30am. *ehem*

10. Current taste:
flavourful cuisine, spicy and wild! The Thailand’s Tom Yam, Malaysian’s Laksa, Mee Rebus, Singapore’s Yong Tau Foo, Indonesia’s Nasi Ambang, Bakso, the list is endless.

11. Current hair:
shoulder length and layered ends. Hair parted sideways.

12. Current annoyance:
people who eats with his/her mouth open( the sound is unbearable)
The sounds of my own footstep when I’m walking with that naughty brown Mary Jane.
When I forget what to do in the cockpit.

13. Current hate:
People who don’t smile at all cost.
People who judge too soon.


14. Current favorite article of clothing:
French couture
Japanese Lolita
Trendy yet simple and comfortable, just like urban culture.

15. Favorite physical feature(s) of the opposite sex:
Symmetrical jaw…mmm

16. Favorite place to be:
in the glade! Feeling the running river..

17. Least favorite place:
where most toxic people are

18. If you could play an instrument what would it be:
Violin
acoustic guitar!

19. Current favorite word:
LOLOLOLOLOLOL and ahaks…

20. Favorite book:
The Last Great Dance on Earth by Sandra Gulland, Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom, The Quran, there’s a LOT to list it here.

21. Favorite season:
Rainy Season?

22. Favorite day:
Friday. The freedom day.

23. Where do you want to go:
grab a Vespa and discovering the whole town!

24. What is your career going to be:
Pilot or maybe Instructor Pilot

25. How many kids do you want:
2 (twin, girls) So sweet to have two little princess by my side.

26. What kind of car will you have when u grow up?
Honda City. Classy (but if im richer I’ll go for Aston Martin :P)

27. Have you ever said "I love you" and meant it?
Certainly

28. Have you ever gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish etc?
yea and he always won. Last time with a kitten and I ended up being given a piercing warning look by his mother. Oooo scary…

29. Have you ever been to NY?
No

30. Have you ever been to Hawaii?
No

31. Have you ever been to Mexico?
No

32. Have you ever been to Canada?
No

34. Have you ever dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day?
Yea, one of them when I ate all the sushi party pack by myself in a dream and it happened the next day. Oops.

35. Have you ever wanted to be the opposite sex?
Once or twice . When the control handle in Cirrus SR20 is darn heavy.

36. Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
A lot! (uhh.. this is getting more embarrassing)

37. Have you ever gotten sick:
A LOT , name it . Ive been admitted to hospital 4 times…

38. Have you ever said "I love you": yes

39. Have you ever wanted to tell someone you loved them:
Many times.

46. Do you have a crush on someone?
Many times ended up lonely.

48. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
Take a deep breath, hug pillow tight.

49. Future daughters name(s):
Ariana/Yusfina

50. Future sons name(s):
Adam

51. If you could have any job you wanted what would it be?
My job : Pilot

52. Are you a lefty, righty, or ambidextrous:
Righty

53. Do you do drugs?
Is prozac counts? I was …ahhh *slumps dreamily on the floor*

54. What kind of shampoo/conditioner do you use?
Pantene(cant live without)

55. What clothes do you sleep in?
Whatever clothes I wear before sleep.Lol! ( I don’t believe in pyjamas)

56. Who was the last person who called you?
Mom (I’ll be back next weekend )

57. Where do you want to get married?
On a wooden altar, surrounded by tropical gardens…

58. If you could change anything about yourself what would that be?
Clumsiness, Ignorance

59. Are you timely or always late?
Depend on how in trouble I am if I am late

60. Do you have a job?
As a pilot trainee in Ipoh. Getting to fly makes my day now J

61. Do you like being around people?
Fun people yea. Toxic people yuck.

63. Want someone you don't have right now?
My best friend who is 200km away.

64. Are you lonely right now?
Quite yea.

67. What is your middle name?
Nabilah ( but most call it G.Lo)

How would you describe yourself in 5 words?
Honest, sensitive, original, deep, crazy

Have you ever had a moment that you knew what would happen next?
Sometimes , when a lucky draw contest, I know my name wouldn’t be mentioned.

How would a perfect date for you look like, where would you go?
Perfect is being honest and being himself although he is not perfect. Go to the his secret place and conversation for hours…

If you knew the world would be gone after tomorrow, what would you do tomorrow?
Laying to the green grass, staring at the blue sky and enjoying the wind.

What if you got stranded on an island all alone, what would you want to have with you?
My faith, my memories.


What do you love more, watching a sunrise or a sunset?
Sunrise with a hint of smell of the soil coming up from the earth.

Are you more a morning person or a night person?
If its holiday night person. If its College morning person

What would you rather get from the one you love, something expensive like a car or jewellery or a written poem?
A written poem

What makes your heart beat faster?
Call me lame, Im so into Love.

What takes your breath away?
Originality and honesty.

What makes you smile?
Watching Little Miss Sunshine over and over.

If you can choose one word to be written on your tombstone what would it be?
Serenity

If you can be an animal what would you choose?
Kitty

If you want to write a book, what is the title?
You Found Me.

Vindicable measure in a flash

I was nowhere. I was so devastated with foul mark for my exams. At that time, it was dawn, before praying for Subuh, after taking cold bath. I felt so bad, so frustrated , so lost. I believe God is helping me but somehow I need some strenght to keep me in track. I lay on the bed with towel still wrapped around my hips. My blood ran slow and steady but I felt it ran like jolts of thunder and my breathing is too fast. I cant remember why I closed my eyes but this very moment really brought a big change in me:

It was dark. I cant think of anything. My mind is emptyafter tired thinking numerous problems.

"God is here to help you, no matter what. Help will come in second and you will not realize when it arrives. He is the most knowledgeable of all." A quote that sounds familiar. Ah, the Qur'an.

Whatever it is, i suddenly did something that i used to think its overrated - Praying without judgement or pre-assumption. Just pray.
I opened my eyes slowly to face the world again, and my eyes directly hit a simple phrase scribbled on the wall - NEVER LET THE SPIRIT DIE.
It was one of the biggest wonder of my life. Although it was simple and nobody knows, it makes me believe that u dont have to understand rocket science or getting a doctorate in any field of studies to be contented in life.

Actually this happened 4 years ago. And ive already encountered other simple yet significant things around my daily life that i wish to write it all here. So i will not forget it anymore.

I dont believe the most incredible stories in the world belongs to the most adventurous one, or made by the most influential people. But simple people like us. Who gone through daily life as a beautiful journey of its own. And who knows that what they have right now is much much more precious than things they long for. They are the most richest and contented person on earth.

The Joy Of Life

Wonderful I thought. I always trying to express my thoughts somewhere. Needless to say, I'm a human. Human needs enrichments. Experience is one of them.

I believe in God. The one and only God. I always searching for Him. Eventough I know he always beside me, sometimes the heart is too blind to see unless you understand how the situation works and u will realize it is more than wonders. And if u try not to understand it, somehow you are too absorbed to the world life, in a flick of eye you can be lost. Astrayed from tracks.

Ive been felt so blessed. And Ive been felt so cursed. All of this happened so fast. Untill it is too bad, I try to reoder the situation, but it is not easy. I need to sacrifice my all. My ALL. But now, I'm rebuilding myself back, slowly. And I hope this will not stop halfway.

I want to LOVE Him more than anything else.
I want to MISS Him more than any sweet memories.
I want , because this way,
I feel better
I live better
I smile better
I cry better

Deeper Conversation

What Costwolds means to me.

Actually Costwold doesnt even have any connection with me.

But ive made a book out of it.

A scrapbook.

Eventough inside i dedicate most of the entries is about Costwold and all its homes, shops, hotels, and farms; it actually reflects myself. That i made the book because i want to have something which i feel like i belong. And i dont think Costwold is where i belong (or where i wish i do belong) Im attracted more to its serenity and tranquility. Im attracted more to the feeling when i get when my hands strolling along the endless rowns of grains billowing around, the feeling of summer rays pours to my face , and when i see the horizon of the fields breaking out silver linings in between.

And at the end of the book I pasted a pagewide picture of the ever violet Saffron plantation in Costwold , and a cutted sketch of a girl i drew myself. Feels better.

I'm still holding on eventough I'm crying hard.

Everytime whenever I put my hopes on something, and it falls apart, despite all thrives and energy i put on it, i will of course start to feel very fragile , alone and in need of support. Tears starts to fall and lips starts to get brittle because of the inevitable need for the teeth to clung on something. And i starts to fall down on my knees.

I've been so useless before and i never want to be back to that situation again as far as what it shows me. All I want is one hands that takes me back from the floor saying "Here, ive got you. Hold me tight because I'm trying too".

Then i realize , its no stranger. Its my own heart. Calling me home.

5 things im going to do before i die:

1. Buying a light aircraft and fly everywhere i want to go (includes a camera! to take pics)
2. Buy The Troika in KL centre and invest..
3. Try bungee jumping, skydiving , and mountain climbing at least. (yes - AND)
4. Make one song i sing myslef and make a personal video for it.
5. Travel to every continent ( includes Antartica)

The list might expands soon :) hihi