Back from coma. Embracing reality once more.

It always come back to you. I thought ive felt heaven around me. But i was wrong. If I feel heaven on earth, then it was never heaven. It was infatuation. Heaven only exist hereafter. If someone says theyve felt heaven, then theyre already dead.

But life can be so beautiful.As beautiful as people says heaven does exist on earth. See those people who cant take their eyes off at their loved ones eyes then you'll understand. Its not that theyve found happily ever after. Its that they found someone to go through with the bitterness of life through out their entire life. And that is the sweetest thing that you can ever have on earth. More valuable than anything that youve ever wanted. Not a Skypark Apartment overlooking the Twin Tower. Not the feeling of winning's victory. Not the years long journey of touring around Europe.

And it can only felt when reality is truly accepted. Truly understood. Truly embraced. Then Love's reality does exist.

Way to go! Ive just made the most efective way of sabotaging myself.

Way to go, Ili.

You just made it into sabotaging yourself. Everything is prepared for you. And you CHOOSE not to do it.

The water in the bath tub. Its already done since yesterday! And still you hesitate to jump. Untill now, you still havent. How about you plan to take care of yourself?

The website of Couchsurfing. Every single people all over the world are asking you for a change in yourself, and you have the urge to reject them!! Way to go , Ili. How many people there should be to change you? A billion deaths? And you still living in the same space where you once whined and wondering will your fate will ever changed? GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE. Go travelling! See the world, then you WILL stop whining about yourself. Why? Because in this world its not about YOUR PROBLEMS, YOUR CONFLICT, and YOUR DESIRE. Its OURS. Get connected and see the bigger picture.

About the photography shoot. He came on your mailbox and offer a pontential opportunity and you still regard that as something unnatainable? Why? Because you BELIEVE SO! Get that shit out of your mind and you have know something: YOU BECOME WHAT YOU BELIEVE. And thats so true. Its just you belive in Negativity, and thats what you slowly developing into.

About the Iran Election. He ask your opinion. Should you or shouldnt you take care about what is happening in this world. Youve been so torn about it , and finally, you learned that when you receive a bad news (which the world always have to offer more than a good news) , theres no need to be SAD. But, theres a need to REACH OUT all other people, get their opinion and VOICE OUT! Please voice out. Its the simplest way to help.

Way to go Ili.You have the opportunity to travel all around the world, the prospect to make money with your camera, and the urge to shape how you think about the world and reaching out. BUT YOU CHOOSE NOT TO! Im so disappointed in you. Disappointed.

A nurturer.

Im start to smile, again. I want to write a lot. But maybe tonight. Time is really short.

Imagine im your tv, My transmission is aired for you

Imagine im your tv

My transmission aired for you,

My drama is ur special coverage,

Transonic Wave, Satellite Love.


Imagine Im your radio,

My intermission orbits for you,

E-CD records is your chosen entertainment,

Interplanet rays, To Mars with romance, Woo'O'oo


Per-My-Suri (My Queen) of the home,

My Queen of the radar,

My Queen of the heaven, Woo'O'oo,

The special one.


Imagine Im your VJ,

My Transvision aired for you,

My characters is your inspired personality,

Transphonic rays, Love satellite.


Imagine Im your DJ,

My Intervision orbits for you,

My metaphore os your wisdom,

Intersonic rays, To Mars with love, Woo'O'oo

Imagine aku tv mu, transmission ku terbit untuk mu.

Imagine aku tv mu, transmission ku terbit untuk mu/ Drama ku product khas siaran mu, transonic gelora, satellite cinta.

Imagine aku radio mu, intermission ku orbit untuk mu/ E-rama ku record khas hiburan mu/ Interplanet kejora/ Ke marikh asmara/ WooOoOo

Permaisuri rumah ku

Permaisuri radar ku

Permaisuri syurga ku

Yang teristimewa!

Imagine aku VJ mu/ transvision ku terbit untuk mu/ Character ku ilham khas buat mu/ Transphonic gelora/ Satellite cinta.

Imagine aku DJ mu/ Intervision ku orbit untuk mu/ Metaphore ku iltizam khas buat mu/ Intersonic kejora / Ke marikh asmara/ WooOoOo

Aaron, i think u know some of the meanings of the words, and i left the rest for u to find out :)

Love,

Cheeky Baby Ilina.

I.am.here

Please forgive everything that I've ever done.

Come back.

I've just realized that I already have what I need. That is Allah.

What this need is for?
To go on a journey.

Now,
I realize I can pursue what I want with the help of my need
with the right way.

God already gave us what we need , and we are going through the journey to pursue what we want. It can be serenity, happiness, or anything that makes you complete.

NEED makes us living.
WANTS makes us complete.

What do I want. I want to be happy. And its a constant search . But from what i observe, how unreal it is, it is possible to become eternal. Undisruptable.

I know im in a phase of finding myself. Again.
I did found myself years ago. But environment changes me. And to find myself back, I need to come back.

Come back home.